Dr. Kevin Keough

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A Year to Live

Kevin and Shadow

"When you lose the rhythm of the drumbeat of God, you are lost from the peace and
rhythm of life"
-Cheyenne

My son and I are getting into a morning ritual that includes taking Shadow for a walk along the Parkway sometime between 5:30-6:30 am; this dog is a real piece of work. Usually, I get up between 4-4:30 am. I ingest my share of caffeine, feed the dog and let her out for 'pee time', play with my Chinese balls either on the back deck or front porch; great well to get still. After we walk the dog I hop on the elliptical for 30-45 min using music as an energy source. I get started on the computer a bit before Michael heads off to pick up a friend to hit some place to eat before surrendering to school. Several days a week, I remind Michael that I don't have to go to school anymore. Typically, he counters with something like-"Yeah, but I have vacations and you don't" We punch fists as we say 'I love you' more or less in unison. Not a bad way to start a day.

An idea has persistently called for my attention over the last few weeks-maybe since I posted something about Clint asking if I'd written my obituary recently. It's the start of a new year, just turned 48, coupled with unusually frequent news of abrupt deaths of relatively young people from heart attacks, pneumonia, meningitis, car collisions, and the rest, have contributed to some reflection and intentions.
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"Death always comes out of season"
-Pawnee
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For many years I've worked to maintain some level of 'death awareness' as I move through each day. Rather than bringing me down, this exercise somehow enhances the quality of my life; seems to allow me to spend more time in the NOW.

"Nothing fades as fast as the future, nothing clings like the past,......till we can see More Than This"
-Peter Gabriel
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Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross is known to many of you as the 'death and dying lady' who popularized the idea we pass through 5 stages as we approach death: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. She played a key role in getting people to be more up front about death. Not that long ago, physicians saw no good reason to inform a patient they were going to die fairly soon. Similarly, people who spoke openly about death or informed a family member of the secret, could expect to get hammered pretty hard.

Anyway, Kubler-Ross took on a guy named Stephen Levine as an apprentice of sorts to help with her work. These guys found kindred spirits in Socrates, the Dalai Lama, Carlos Castaneda, and others who suggested we ought "always be occupied in the practice of dying". About ten years ago, Levine wrote a fascinating book called: " A Year To Live: How to Live this Year As If It Were Your Last".

Levine describes the book in this way: " This is a book of renewal. It is not simply about dying but about restoration of the heart, which occurs when we confront our life and death with more awareness. It is an opportunity to resolve our denial of death as well as our denial of life in a year long experiment in healing, joy, and revitalization."

This book is full of practical strategies and down to earth reflections. Remarkably, Levine easily steers clear of platitudes, new age nonsense, and weirdness. Frankly, this book requires some courage and willingness to open our eyes and promises to function as a powerful catalyst for change.
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"One has to face fear or forever run from it"
-Crow

"Life is not separate from death. It only looks that way"
-Blackfoot
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So, I intend to devote a post a week to this 'thread' along with 6 other threads (not nailed down yet). I'm gonna give it a go with this "A Year to Live" process. I will provide updates on how well or poorly I'm sticking with it, write about the experience, and pass along insights, epiphanies, shocks to the system, and stories about the whole thing. I'm certainly up for company if anybody is interested in the idea. Ah, why not ? Might as well have some fun and change things up a bit. I know enough to know I need to do a 'course correction' immediately. I imagine this thread will avoid abstract philosophical musings. Most likely, I will write a bit about little diamonds in the rough like this one:

"Never let the important get in the way of the essential"
-Andrew Greeley
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Why bother with such an exercise ? Plenty of reasons really. All the reasons in the world. For the sake of my children. To increase the probability that my course correction will be successful. To reduce the ways and frequency I betray my Self and those around me. To honor my ancestors. To shake off the anesthetic fog that surrounds us leaving us less alive. And because I believe it will help me with an aspiration:

" To love one another truly is to walk in the light, to live in truth, to be truly alive, and perfectly free".
R.D. Laing

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NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS AND CHRISTMAS REFLECTIONS

A good man sent me the following note.
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"This may sound a little strange but have you written your own obituary yet. I did several years ago and was totally honest about myself. I counted my many blessings and my numerous faults. I told of my life, my loves, and my desires that were unfilled. It was an eyeopening experience. I found that when I put it all into perspective I could honestly say I needed to work on certain things and to let some things go both good and bad if I was ever going to change. It took about three weeks for me to do this and I was truly disgusted with how slack I had been concerning the important things. You know Love Laughter and Friends, the things that really count
Whiskey Prayers and Broken Dreams"
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My reactions to the message were mixed and varied. The relief experienced in reading something in this note overshadowed a twinge of anger a man would feel it necessary to pass the whole thing off as strange.

Apparently the 'Deciders' have decided there will be no such activities (the Deciders are everywhere....not connected exclusively to any political party or religious group. Deciders have decided they get to tell people how it is. Frankly, sometimes we get so lost we need to be told what to do---so there appear to be 'good' deciders. There is a great bit of overlap between arrogant predators and Deciders. Naturally, we don't much like deciders.

They don't like us. They would be pleased to dispose of any person who self-identifies as a trouble-maker. A few of the Decider's rules: Mediocrity,everyone man for himself, get yours, gossip galore, no boat rocking, no talk of change...."

It's not uncommon for a person who tells somebody of such a natural, prudent, and wise idea to get mocked and worse:

" How bizarre ! Writing your own obituary thinking it might help improve your lot in life. He talks of self-examination, counting blessings, eye opening experiences, doing some exercise thinking it might bring you into balance. Determining what's important in life"

What the hell does this have to do with anything. What you you some philosopher boy, touchy feely new age type ? Look men work. We just do. We work. We do. Who has time for such nonsense ? There is beer to drink, women to bed, money to gamble, distractions and speed abound, so many ways to feed my head---keeping me numb and dumb"

Well, give this man a Guinness. Give him whatever he wants. These days.......in these days of days, this chap qualifies as a prodigal son. Though, he doesn't seem lost and cut off from God to me.

People needn't have to justify, explain, or get permission from anyone else to have their own thoughts. A rule has just passed into law. At ease, and as you will.

Good Will to All Good People ! (apparently, I'm not as grumpy as usual)

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Suicide..lost opportunities...

SUICIDE

Suicide isn't a polite subject to bring up in conversation. Suicide rates are increasing way too fast in all 'subgroups'. I've not the energy to recite the disturbing litany of facts. Most of us are touched in some way by suicide.

I've never 'made peace' with any of the far too many suicides of family, friends, 'patients' (from the latin---one who suffers). What is one to do ? Silence and stillness do something to still the discourse that rattles my soul though nothing will ever lead me to deny the fact we inhabit a "Culture of Death' that cares nothing for life and robs all of us of the joy of living and a sense of Solidarity which is our birthright.

May those working to ensure the "Culture of Life' prevails in our lifetimes be given all the strength and reinforcements needed to crush the institutions, structures, and forces of death.

Let's not fool ourselves............we are losing this one at the moment and the casualties...especially amongst our children are real and mounting.

This is a song by Phil Collins....................................

"For A Friend"

When I saw him last
he had that look in his eyes
I said, "Do you need to talk?"
he said, "No."
So I called him up, asked him again and I waited a while -
he began to speak, then he started to cry

You know some things are best left unspoken
and some things just never work out
and sometimes, seems you try and you try and whatever you do
There's a fix that you're in, and you just can't get out
he said, "I need your help, I need it now
Give me the strength to go on"

Though I didn't know what
I knew that something was wrong
but he still had his pride
he'd tell me in time
Well this feeling inside
kept eating at me
I was losing a friend, and I had to know why

When I heard the voice on the phone, I knew it was bad news
so I rushed to be by his side
and we said goodbye for the last time
I gently hugged him, and kissed him goodbye
he whispered, "I need your help, I need it now
Give me the strength to go on."

We were always laughing
I just remember laughing, mama
We were always laughing

Oh I need your help, I need it now
Give me the strength to go on

Though as time goes by, and it all becomes clear
we can see the deceit, we see the lies
So I asked myself, over and over, and over again
What did they know? What did they hide?
Fools, leading the innocent blindly
Fools, turning away

And I know that
when I think of my friend with that look in his eyes
and if they told the truth, he might be here today
I need your help, I need it now
Just give me the strength to go on, on

I remember the laughing
We were always laughing

Oh no - it's just strength we need now
Just the strength to go on...

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If not now..when...really ?

Sound the Alarm !

Death entered my awareness today, felt like a strike to the head. Someone close to me died, prompting memories of suicides and of so many other deaths.

I do my best to keep death in the front of my mind as I move through my days. It is a great teacher. Today I am hyper-aware of how we get caught in 'busy-river' or the 'River of Speed'.

Most of us feel the pressure of time, not enough time. Something about it eats at us; we sense it isn't good for us. Sadly, we need stillness to recognize the hazards of speed.

I think Neil Young did a good job of depicting the predicament and ways we fool ourselves with good intentions to take a stand........to put a stop to this thief of life, love, and a sense of communion in our relationships.

Where and who are the warriors protecting us from the 'speed demon' that robs us of the only thing we ever have and ever will have---Here and Now ?

I haven't been faithful to this aspect of my responsibilities. There is sorrow and remorse....an intention to emerge from this trance with a vengeance.

Can we really deny the most sinister predators are formless, invisible, and much harder to say "no" to than 'bad guys' ?

How do we protect our loved ones, our communities, our children ?

I submit this predator requires the coordinated efforts of a quite a few of us if we intend to remain faithful............

"One Of These Days"

One of these days,
I'm gonna sit down
and write a long letter
To all the good friends I've known
And I'm gonna try
And thank them all
for the good times together.
Though so apart we've grown.

One of these days,
I'm gonna sit down
and write a long letter
To all the good friends I've known
One of these days,
one of these days,
one of these days,
And it won't be long, it won't be long.

And I'm gonna thank,
That old country fiddler
And all those rough boys
Who play that rock 'n' roll
I never tried to burn any bridges
Though I know I let some good things go.

One of these days,
I'm gonna sit down
and write a long letter
To all the good friends I've known
One of these days,
one of these days,
one of these days,
And it won't be long, it won't be long.

From down in L.A.
All the way to Nashville,
From New York City
To my Canadian prairie home
My friends are scattered
Like leaves from an old maple.
Some are weak, some are strong.

One of these days,
I'm gonna sit down
and write a long letter
To all the good friends I've known
One of these days,
one of these days,
one of these days,
And it won't be long, it won't be long.

One of these days,
one of these days,
one of these days,
And it won't be long, it won't be long.